Out with the new and in with the old

I like to change the way my blog looks a lot! I think it just might reflect my life a little bit.

Let's just examine my life for a moment. I spent the first two years out of high school living in 3 different apartments and a house, I've had 4 different jobs, none of which I quit for any reason other than to move, I've lived in three different cities, two of the cities I've lived in 2 separate times, and I've been to two Universities... well one university and one college. Seriously? So either I REALLY love change or I am severely restless person.

I think it may be both equally, for that matter there are probably dozens reasons why I change my blog every other month and why my life is basically crazy. I do love change. I love the new. Is it weird that I absolutely love that nervous feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when your doing something new. It doesn't have to be scary, thrilling, or even fun. I just love that feeling. I don't really love it while I have it, but I crave it when its gone, kind of like eating a Big Mac, if you know what I mean.

The more I think about it the more I realize that I am an extremely unsettled person. In other words I have commitment issues. Who new? I can't commit to a school, to a major, to an apartment contract, to a city, to a job, and don't even get me started on a boy. What's crazy is this is a total epiphany! How did I not realize sooner that maybe it all stems from commitment issues. Which leads to the question, Why? Which is funny, because I realized the other day, not even thinking about any of this commitment, unsettled, background changing business, that I'm a highly suspicious person. I don't really trust very many people and I might even be more than a little paranoid about people lying to me.

And I know all about lies and liars. I used to be a chronic one...(along with being a slight kleptomaniac, but that's a story for another post.) As I was eating grapes at the counter yesterday, it struck me . There are only two reasons why people are suspicious and distusting. Either A. They used to be (or are currently) a liar or a thief and there by they know what it looks like to lie or steal, even if someone is a pro. or B. Someones lied or stolen from them one to many times. And I guess there is the possible C. They hate being GULLIBLE, but I think this is large part because B has happened too much. So which am I? I'm pretty sure I take down the whole alphabet on this one. Go figure I can't trust anyone... and you thought you had commitment issues?

How did my chronic lying, kleptomania, fear of commitment, and my disdain for Big Mac's all get in one post? All because I changed my blog background a few weeks ago. Today I looked at it and realized I had to have the old layout back. I stayed up til 2am trying to make it look just like it had (I feel as though something is still different about it) all summer. Why did I want it back so bad? I really did like the new one. I wasn't bored with it. I liked the title. The colors looked good. For some reason I had to have the old one back. Out of the dozens of blog layouts over the past two years I've never gone back to a previous layout. It's always been out with the old and in with the new, and I've LOVED it.

Now it's out with the new and in with the old and I feel so GOOD about it. Maybe I'm coming to terms with my commitment issues. I might just becoming less adventurous. Or possibly I'm starting to learn to love familiarity. Who knows what it means. But I think it's more significant that even I realize.