Writers Block

Whenever I hear the saying "writers block," a poem that I wrote in the 10th grade comes to mind entitled "Writers Block"

Writers block is what I get
When I try to make it fit
I cannot seem to rhyme or write
When my pen and paper fight


I can not put ideas in led
When their never in my head
My words always come out wrong
Looking stupid, dumb or long

My poems are never good
I'd write them if I could
So call me please when you unlock
The ugly black door of writers block

Its silly and ridiculous and quite frankly not an amazing poem... but I love it. The poem is really ironic to me because all of it just came to me except for the first two lines in the last stanza, I already knew how I was going to end it, and yet there I was getting writers block while writing "Writers Block" To this day, I don't care for those two lines in the poem, I suppose you could say I copped out and wrote the first thing that worked. Today, I find myself in the same situation. For some reason, I cannot put ideas in led, when their never in my head... My English paper is now due tomorrow and still have no clue what I'm going to write about. I've been brainstorming going through old blog entries, old journal entries, and even pictures. I'm about to break out old home movies to see if I can figure something out. I suppose I'll get it eventually... I have to.

Giving life meaning

I'm struggling through this stupid personal narrative for my English class. I've been thinking about it for weeks and I still can't come up with something to write about. I feel like my life is completely vacant of meaning... which is so not true, I just can't find a defining moment that I really want to write about. I mean yes I've had defining moments but none that I really care to share with the 21 freshman in my English class. Not that I'm afraid of what they'll say, I just don't care to open up. I'm deciding if I want use some stupid experience and just fluff the three page paper... but that just goes against my ethics, I can't bring myself to write something that is vacant of real emotion, and yet I don't really care to show the class anything in my life that has had real emotion. I'm awful and brainstorming, usually something just comes to me and I know what I want to write, but I'm so lost. My head is just swimming in so much thought right now that I can seem to nail one to the wall. Usually my thoughts aren't so elusive but I have so many different mixed emotions life right now that this English paper is one of the last things I really want to write.

Where would you want to be if you could be anywhere?

So I was in my first day of English class and my English Professor, Emily, was going through the role and to help her remember people she asked us the question, "Where would you want to be right now if you could be anywhere?" All of a sudden a thousand places flew through my mind, Europe, California, New Zealand, anywhere on the east coast, Seattle, Canada, Mexico... but unfortunately, my last name starts with a 'B' so of course I'm the second person on the role, and I literally have no time to choose... so I said, "Anywhere but here" which I thought was pretty insightful. But then a few kids in one guy said, "I'm right where I want to be." and I thought that was ever more insightful. I wished I could take back my answer and say that too. I really am happy where I am right now. I love Logan, I love being in school, and I'm just lovin where I'm at. Sometimes I struggle, but we struggle where ever we are. And even though there are thousand places I want to be, I really am happy where I am.... for now.

10 Biggest changes from Salt Lake to Logan

Everyone has been very list-y lately, so here I am making a list. These are the biggest changes, good and bad, from moving from the very large Salt Lake City, to the rather small town of Logan.

10. No cable TV, and unfortunately no Tivo. It's a good thing most shows go on hiatus over the summer, because I'd be missing em.

9. I can control the thermostat in my apartment. It will never be too hot or too cold again :)

8. Noisy neighbors. The guys down stairs have girls in their apartment til 2 am four nights a week.

7. The Utilities bill is in my name, and some roommates don't know how to pay you on time.

6. The weather is cold! Here we are in June, and I was in snow yesterday, SNOW!

5. You learn very quickly that "It's a small world" loses all meaning in Logan during the summer. Everyone knows everyone, don't be surprised.

4. Lack of a social life. Everybody I knew from my first semester isn't here this summer.

3. Back to school, back to work. I'm taking six credits and working 20 hours, life keeps me busy, but not busy enough.

2. I have to do all my roommates dishes, cleaning, and vacuuming, they are all completely incapable of doing anything.

1. Best and biggest change: I can live on one tank of gas for two months, if I don't go home. Every thing is so close, that you hardly use any gas at all.

Nature vs. Nurture?

It seems like this question seems to come up nearly every day in psychology and it iritates me. For the past four weeks I haven't been able to explain my iritation with it to the class, or to myself for that matter. I couldn't even work it out in my head and have it make sense, but yesterday I finally figured out why its such an irritating concept, because your only given two choices and to some extent their both right and both wrong. I don't think the question of nature vs. nurture even matters anymore. Clearly their has been enough studying to show that they both have an effect on people. Genetics and environment both take a role in developing who we are. So the whole nature vs. nurture thing is kind of dead but I'm neither a behaviorist nor a humanist. I think their both asking the wrong question, Its not nature vs. nurture, its agency vs. nature or nurture. Just because we have a pre-disposition to be violent, or we were raised in a violent home does not mean that we areselves have to be violent. Maybe with dogs, we can ask nature vs. nurture, but being human we have moral accountability and choice, we can't blame our short commings on our upbringing or our unfortunate genetic heredity.

I think the reason psychologists have focused so much on this nature vs. nurture concept is because as humans we want to be able to blame anybody but ourselves for our actions. It's extreamly difficult for one to take responsibilty for the mistakes they've made and then not only to correct them, but to know that you'll have to take responsibilty for all other actions in the future. I think the Locus of Control plays a much bigger role on how we react and who we are, it shapes our personality more then nature vs. nurture ever could. Do you think you are in control of your life, or do you think that others have the control in your life? Thats the more important question.

Ability

“There is something that is much more scarce, something rarer than ability. It is the ability to recognize ability.”

--Robert Half

Life never ceases to amaze me. People are always surprising you and your in a constant flux of learning, making mistakes, and relearning. As I've mentioned previously, I'm LDS, and I had the opportunity to go to my new singles ward today. It was interesting, because I went alone, and it really didn't bother me that I was going alone, a year ago, I wouldn't have been able to do that. Today was fast Sunday so of course, we had fast and testimony meeting. I actually had no idea where I was going so I didn't go to any classes I just went to two fast and testimony meetings in two different wards. I really enjoyed it. This guy, who for the life of me, I can't remember what his name was or even what he looks like, got up and talked about abilities.

He was so sweet and you could tell it truly was coming from his heart and he just got up and said that he was so grateful for his abilities and it hit me. I have so many amazing abilities. First I have the ones that most are blessed with such as walking, talking, laughing, running, moving, and all the other amazing capabilities that our body has. But looking more deeply I have so much more than that, I have the ability to love, dream, share, experience, grow, remember, forget, learn, even just the ability to be comfortable as who I am. Those are amazing things to be grateful for. What would life be like with out all the amazing and unique abilities that we possess? I'm very grateful for my abilities in life and what they enable me to do.