Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Just call me Clark Kent, cause I have a super power

I have a super power. Did you know? It's a recent discovery. Its been hiding underneath a lot of pride, but I found it. I've seen it a few times over the years, but not long enough for me to realize what a special super power it really is. In fact I'm embarrassed to admit, I didn't recognize it for some time. It's taken a lot of work and its one of those powers where if you don't use it, you lose it. I lose it a lot ;) I bet if you look for a while, you'll find that you have it too! Some might have to look a little bit longer, (I will bashfully admit, that I often can't find it) but I bet its there.

It even has a taste! Weird huh? But you know the taste too! Sometimes it tastes like acid and it can burn. Occasionally it tastes sour and will leave your mouth dry. But more often than not it will taste bitter. I didn't know super powers could taste so bad! This is a special super power though, no matter how bad it tastes, once you can swallow it, there is the most magnificent after taste. It might be sweet, mine usually tastes fresh, like mountain air after it rains. The thought divine comes to mind... like chocolate, but better.


I know what your thinking! You know where this super power hides, you know what it tastes like, maybe even what it smells like, but what can it DO? Well let me tell you, this is no ordinary super power. We know by definition that its something special. It's not like flying or reading minds. No, its much more unique than that. This super power can change the world. I would even venture to say that if everyone had this one super power perfected we might not know the word anger. It has the power to heal broken hearts, mend lost friendships, save marriages, reform human interaction, rescue lost souls, teach humility, inspire loyalty, and instill love. Why it is the very same power that will redeem you and me.


You know that you have it, you know where to find it, you know what it tastes like, and you know what it can do, but have you guessed what "it" is? I'll give you a hint if your still a little slow. It's something you say, but more importantly something you show.


How do you use it then? The next time you cut someone off, I want you to use it. The next time you yell at someone, use it. The next time you belittle someone, use it. Sure it might taste sour and yes probably a little bitter, but as soon as you say those two words and let it show, it will set you free. The more often you use it the more you'll come to know, that it can't be said and not be shown. When you can say it and be truly contrite, you will understand why it is indeed a super power. Then the next time someone cuts you off and you get angry, you'll want you to use it. The next time some one yells at you, you'll have to say it and the next time someone belittles you, you'll be compelled to express it.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

It's official! There IN!

Oh goodness I have so much to say! I'm so excited and happy that I haven't been able to keep a smile off my face for the last two. I'll find myself alone in my car and I'll catch my self grinning. I'll be eating lunch and wont notice the smile that has appeared while throwing down some food. I can be in bed (this is my favorite) waiting for sleep to come when a smile comes with a few escaped giggles! Who knew I giggled!? I can't help it. The best part is its so incredibly natural. I'm not trying to notice it, but it just jumps up on me and I realize how incredibly happy I am.

So why am I so happy? My mission papers officially went in this week. I couldn't stop smiling in my interview with my Stake President. I thought I'd be worried the impressions I might leave or get caught up on his opinions of whether or not I'm ready, but I didn't. I just kept smiling and all I could say was that I'm so excited! I left the interview slightly nervous after the fact. My nerves were made calm later that day when his wife came up to me and said, "He came home so excited. He said, 'She is so ready to go." I don't think any statement in my entire life has brought me more joy that those words. I know I shouldn't need other people to think I'm ready when I know I am, but all the same they are sweet words of comfort that I value.

If I get thinking about it for too long I get a little bit twitchy with anticipation. I'm so incredibly excited. It feels so right! Not even school or work has been able to bring down my spirits. Feel free to write your guesses! I should have a call within three or four weeks and that post will exceed even this post in excitement!

Monday, September 21, 2009

Opening up shop?

So I had the pleasure and joy of having my wisdom teeth (4 to be exact) extracted from my jaw this past week. I was surprised that as the day of my oral surgery grew closer I didn't really get nervous... and I thought I would. I mean your talking to someone who has never had surgery of any type, never been put under, and never had any "serious" injury. The morning came and my mother drove me to the oral surgeon bright and early. I wasn't even nervous waiting in the lobby. Before I knew it they called me back. A nice man in blue scrubs shook my hand and said, "Well are you ready?" I nodded and literally within 60 seconds I was laying down with tubes up my nose and and IV down my arm. These guys don't waste time! Still I couldn't believe how completely calm I was.

Being put under was easily the weirdest experience of my life. I remember the ceiling and then nothing. About 30 minutes later I woke up and could feel and see hands still in my mouth. I might have slightly panicked at this point. The only real fear I had going into the whole thing that I was going to wake up in the middle of the procedure, so when I woke up with two pairs of hands in my mouth, I attempted to yell "I'm awake, I'm awake!" Just too make sure they were aware I was fully conscious. However, it turns out they were just shoving 10 strips of gaws into my mouth, which made it slightly less embarrassing because they of course had no idea what I was yelling at them wide eyed with a mouth full of cotton.

A nurse walked with me to a plush recliner where I sat for ten minutes trying to get a handle on my brain, which at this point seemed a little elusive. My mom came and sat with me, but apparently all I could say was, "That was so weird." The nurse briefly described the medications and what to do for dry socket and helped me up to go to the car, when I immediately fell back down into the chair. She put me in a wheel chair after that. According to my mother I was very ornery, but I claim that she was being patronizing. I mean seriously, you can't tell a drugged person hey don't know what they're talking about! I was drugged for goodness sake! Just nod and smile!

I spent the next two hours sleeping with an alarm set for every 30 minutes to wake me up so I could change out my gaws. And so I could rotate between the plethora of prescription drugs they gave me. I finally got feeling back in my entire face around four 0' clock at which point I ate soup. Basically I was back to normal the next day. I may or may not have eaten Cafe Rio the day after I got my wisdom teeth out. I can't really remember.

Fast forward to three days later (today) and here I am with dry socket in the bottom right hole in my mouth. Luckily, I have enough pain killers for that and more. What a lovely experience it's been.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Yes, I listen to Paul Cardall and play Spider Solitaire on my Friday nights...

But only when my only friend in the Salt Lake valley is out of town and I got my wisdom teeth out the day before. Let's try not to judge me to harshly.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Out with the new and in with the old

I like to change the way my blog looks a lot! I think it just might reflect my life a little bit.

Let's just examine my life for a moment. I spent the first two years out of high school living in 3 different apartments and a house, I've had 4 different jobs, none of which I quit for any reason other than to move, I've lived in three different cities, two of the cities I've lived in 2 separate times, and I've been to two Universities... well one university and one college. Seriously? So either I REALLY love change or I am severely restless person.

I think it may be both equally, for that matter there are probably dozens reasons why I change my blog every other month and why my life is basically crazy. I do love change. I love the new. Is it weird that I absolutely love that nervous feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when your doing something new. It doesn't have to be scary, thrilling, or even fun. I just love that feeling. I don't really love it while I have it, but I crave it when its gone, kind of like eating a Big Mac, if you know what I mean.

The more I think about it the more I realize that I am an extremely unsettled person. In other words I have commitment issues. Who new? I can't commit to a school, to a major, to an apartment contract, to a city, to a job, and don't even get me started on a boy. What's crazy is this is a total epiphany! How did I not realize sooner that maybe it all stems from commitment issues. Which leads to the question, Why? Which is funny, because I realized the other day, not even thinking about any of this commitment, unsettled, background changing business, that I'm a highly suspicious person. I don't really trust very many people and I might even be more than a little paranoid about people lying to me.

And I know all about lies and liars. I used to be a chronic one...(along with being a slight kleptomaniac, but that's a story for another post.) As I was eating grapes at the counter yesterday, it struck me . There are only two reasons why people are suspicious and distusting. Either A. They used to be (or are currently) a liar or a thief and there by they know what it looks like to lie or steal, even if someone is a pro. or B. Someones lied or stolen from them one to many times. And I guess there is the possible C. They hate being GULLIBLE, but I think this is large part because B has happened too much. So which am I? I'm pretty sure I take down the whole alphabet on this one. Go figure I can't trust anyone... and you thought you had commitment issues?

How did my chronic lying, kleptomania, fear of commitment, and my disdain for Big Mac's all get in one post? All because I changed my blog background a few weeks ago. Today I looked at it and realized I had to have the old layout back. I stayed up til 2am trying to make it look just like it had (I feel as though something is still different about it) all summer. Why did I want it back so bad? I really did like the new one. I wasn't bored with it. I liked the title. The colors looked good. For some reason I had to have the old one back. Out of the dozens of blog layouts over the past two years I've never gone back to a previous layout. It's always been out with the old and in with the new, and I've LOVED it.

Now it's out with the new and in with the old and I feel so GOOD about it. Maybe I'm coming to terms with my commitment issues. I might just becoming less adventurous. Or possibly I'm starting to learn to love familiarity. Who knows what it means. But I think it's more significant that even I realize.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

EFY: "Putteth Off"... the lost week

WEEK 4: Putteth Off

As I was looking through my blog archives I realized their were only five EFY entries. I thought there has to be some sort of mistake in the google blogosphere. I most certainly worked 6 weeks of EFY. I searched high and low for my missing post and it was no where to be found. Was it deleted? Was it ever created? Surely I wouldn't skip a week, but how else could this tragedy have happened? I'm a little more than sad and am mourning the lost post (if it really ever existed). So this is me attempting to give it some justice.

Pizza Night with my girls!
Some things I remember learning this week:
  • sometimes its ok to be a girl
  • the power of positive thinking is quite impressive
  • don't be proud, your not doing much
  • don't try to play cupid at efy... (for counselors of course)
  • set goals
  • if your bishop's calling you after 9, he's asking you to speak :)
  • i love my parents
  • praying aloud, for people by name, with a friend can make a world of difference
  • it's ok to cry... really
  • the Lord makes up for what you lack when your doing all you can
  • always follow the promptings of the spirit, eve when they don't make sense... they will
  • having curled hair is the bomb
  • you probably shouldn't use the kitchen, even if the door is unlocked
  • any problem can be fixed with a prayer
  • sometimes four counselors work really well together and things just jive
  • 40 kids is a big group, but you can still have everyones name memorized by fhe
  • the morris center is still disgusting
Co Counselors: Jordon, Summer, Me, and Trent

Just me and my girls.

The butterfly that landed on my arm... I was really excited.

The whole company: "Putteth Off "
This was a week of polars. Let me explain. I felt like this was one of my most challenging weeks. Not really because of my youth, but because I was struggling. I was all over the place despite the fact that I had 3 amazing co counselors, 10 amazing girls, 1 fantastic roommate, 2 calls from my bishop to speak, but 0 big issues. I struggled internally on a few levels with feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. I was so worried that because I was having an off week, despite my best efforts, my girls would spiritually suffer the repercussions. I was wrong. The Lord made up for all that I lacked, but only because he knew that I was giving it my all. As I listened to my girls bare testimony of their savior, I realized I hadn't failed, He succeeded. It was a wonderful lesson to learn.
I find it extremely ironic that this is the week I forget to post... the week where my company name is "Putteth Off". The week where I put off posting for 2 months...

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

life in deja vu

deja vu: (noun) french "already seen" - the experience of feeling sure that one has witnessed or experienced a new situation previously (an individual feels as though an event has already happened or has happened in the near past)

Its an odd concept to wrap your mind around. As I've been recently experiencing an intense amount of deja vu in my life, I've talked to various people about it and realized that some people have never experienced the strange phenomena that is deja vu. How does one explain it? Sure that definition supplied by wikipedia is perfect in explaining the logistics of what it is, but some how it doesn't really do the strange sensation justice. I imagine it's like a blind person trying to explain what music looks like to someone who can see.

I mean whats going on in your brain when this crazy deja vu happens anyway? Why does your brain recognize the exact situation and associate it with familiarity. Its like a scratched dvd skipping in your mind. It starts to get a little crazy when you have deja vu about having deja vu in a certain moment.

Deja vu has plagued my life the last couple days and I can't help but wonder why. I think it may have something to do with walking down memory lane a little to often... but even then I don't have the deja vu at moments when I'm looking a pictures or reading old posts, just at the strangest times... but even then I don't have the deja vu at moments when I'm looking a pictures or reading old posts, just at the strangest times...